An open letter to creepy gym patrons.

MEMO

ATTN: Naked Man in GoodLife locker room.
FROM: Clothed patrons of GoodLife Fitness.
RE: Nude etiquette in gym locker rooms.

We’d like to bring to your attention that being naked in the locker room comes with a particular etiquette. Changing your clothes and showering are acceptable reasons to be nude. Here are a few reasons that are unacceptable:

1. You’re wearing a shirt.
If you’re wearing a shirt, your goods should be covered. The order of things when getting dressed STARTS with getting your balls concealed. There is no excuse for having a shirt on and no underwear. None.

2. You’re shaving.
Shaving is an acceptable activity, but your junk need not rest unnecessarily on the edge of the sink. Not ever.

3. Sauna/steam room use.
This seems like common sense, but let’s address it anyway. Nobody needs to see your package in the locker room. So why would you think that sitting spread-eagle in the sauna or steam room is alright? Cover your jewels up, and sit on a towel as well. People have to sit there after you.

Now that we’ve laid it all out, we hope to see much less of you when we see you again.

PS: Please do not mistake this for “macho” or “homophobic” hatred. It’s a request for you to show common courtesy. The world needs more common courtesy, and less of your exposed balls in inappropriate places.

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